Parents wish their children the very best. And if he doesn’t, then his father’s words will torment him all his life.
The fact is that children perceive the words of their parents in a completely different way. If you do not want this situation to happen again with your child, think before you say something. Remember yourself in childhood, what phrases of your parents hurt you? Below is a list of phrases that you should remember and never say them to your child.
10. Again, doesn’t work? Let me do it myself
This phrase is enemy number 1. Use it as often as possible, and your child will grow up to be a non-initiative person. When you pronounce this phrase, the child understands that he again did everything wrong. No matter what he does, sweeps the floor or solves a problem, you rush to his aid with the speed of light. Slow down. Let him try to deal with his problems, if it doesn’t work out, he can always ask for help. Let him try more and more, only then he can learn something new. Yes, when he asks for help, just help, without further ado.
9. Again 4 for the dictation? I was hoping this time 5
How does the child understand these words? “Good children get 5, but you did your best, so you will remain a loser for life!” You did not think that 4 is also a good mark, and the child does not have to be an excellent student. In addition, assessments are not always set objectively. Sometimes a child may prepare well, but be agitated and make a stupid mistake. Check not only grades, but also the knowledge of your child. It is clear that you say so for the best of reasons, but you should not set the bar too high for your child. He, too, can tell you: “Mom, why have you been working as an accountant for 5 years now?” I thought that in two years you will be heading the economic department! ”
8. Are you lazy again?
Never say that phrase. If a child sits for a long time over one task, perhaps this is not laziness. Maybe he just does not know how to solve it and is trying to figure it out. In your own words, you take away his faith in yourself. He hears: “Why are you digging so long? Anyway, you won’t succeed. ” If you want to inspire a child, say so: "I believe that you will succeed." If you doubt how the child will perceive your words, just try to put yourself in his place. Suppose you are trying to complete a complex project, and the boss says: "Because of your laziness, we will again miss the deadlines." Does this inspire you to further action?
7. Do your homework quickly, otherwise it will be worse
The child hears: “I am stronger than you and can do anything with you. I can hit, I can not feed, I can drive out of the house. " Of course, the child may be scared and still do what is required of him. But in most cases, he knows that mom / dad is just trying to intimidate him, and they themselves will never allow themselves to raise a hand on him. What does it mean “will be worse”? If you want your child to obey you, you need to build a trusting relationship. From childhood, teach your child independence. Let him do his homework and clean the room without your reminders.
6. Quickly apologize to Helen! How can this be done?
Helen took the ball from your Serezhenka and didn’t want to give it back, and he took it away, while slightly pushing it. But you see that Lena’s mother is belligerent, so you demand an apology. Children will figure it out. Of course, you need to tell your child about the rules of behavior, but do not demand unquestioning obedience. These words must come from the heart. In addition, your child may begin to manipulate you. Will do something and apologize. What are you going to do? After all, he said “magic words,” now you have no right to scold him, but you must forgive and shake your hand.
5. Who will take you such a marriage !?
The child understands this phrase as: “You can’t achieve anything. A terrible future awaits you. You will be alone all your life. ” He begins to think that there is nothing good ahead. After all, parents are much smarter and older, they know. The child loses faith in himself. Avoid these phrases, your prophecies of a terrible future will not make him take up his studies or do household chores. Better help him find a way out of this situation.
4. You will drive me into the coffin!
These words can scare the child. He will think that his mother will soon die from the fact that he received a deuce or spilled tea. Parents say this when there is no longer any physical or moral strength. Everyone has such periods, especially when you wipe spilled tea for the tenth time. That's just these words you shift the responsibility to the child. At first he is frightened, and then just stops paying attention. Yesterday you spoke the same way the day before yesterday too, but you are still alive. Do not worry then, but you can bring another two or pour tea for the eleventh time.
3. You have nothing of your own!
Parents say these words when the child does not obey or behaves badly. When he scatters toys or plays games on the tablet again, one wants to say this phrase. The child understands these words literally: "There is nothing mine in this house, even the toy tractor belongs to my parents." At first, he cannot understand why all his things are not his, because he has his own room, bed, clothes. Then he begins to think that parents only care about the material component, they are not interested in his psychological state. By this, you show that in life it is very important to have something of your own. Anyone who has nothing has no voting right. The child has a somewhat distorted picture of the world.
2. Dad and I work all day and night so that you have everything, and you ...
The child already knows that everything that he has does not belong to him. However, parents do not stop there, they convince the child that all material wealth is achieved by hard labor. The child begins to think that something is wrong with him. He feels guilty because he has not justified the trust of his parents. Never reproach a child with money, things. He did not ask you to give birth to him, you yourself wanted you to have children. Now your task is to provide them with everything you need, even if for this you have to make a lot of effort.
1. Wait, here dad will come back from work, he will show you
Mom often says this phrase to intimidate the child, but she has nothing to do with it. However, the child cannot relax, because the evil dad will come, who will certainly punish him. Do not shift the responsibility to another parent. By this you admit that you cannot cope with the child yourself, you cannot find an approach to it. In addition, dad thinks that they are waiting for him at home, that they will be happy to see him return. In fact, the child is afraid that his father will come and punish him. Soon, dad will be associated with something bad. If an unpleasant situation arises, punish the child "in hot pursuit", do not wait for dad to return.